Happy Daughter's day to the two offshoots of my life:-)

Tomorrow is Daughter's Day. .

This is for you both – Aanchal and Shalu- with gratitude for teaching me what a heart full of love means..with humility for all of the caring & belonging you both give me..and with all the colour you both have put inside my world.

Aanchal- I still remember every moment of all those years ago in Pune. Months of miraculously fascinating changes happening inside my body and soul..weeks of backaches and leg cramps which magically made me walk ecstatically around with an inexplicable spring in my step..days and nights spent dreaming, wondering, imagining- what it would feel like to hold the tiny speck of life I felt moving, growing, smiling within me. And then hours of pain that ripped my body apart, yet held steadfast my soul, moulding it into a cocoon of warmth and love all set to nurture the new bonds that were all set to be forged. You know, I actually “knew” you even before you entered this world. Knew what you liked to eat, how long you could sleep, what kind of music disturbed you, and what soothed you. I forged that bond with you long before you were born.

And then came that wintry day in December. Your dad's hand held tight in mine, his helpless expression, eyes glazed with pain so much more intense that that which tore my body apart..until that high-pitched first cry that fell upon our ears.... I held you- my warm bundle of joy, my daughter. Watched you blow bubbles with a beatific expression on your dumpling face (which, incidentally, naani noticed)..and was told that you had a congenital cleft palate that would need an operation within a year. You would gleefully gurgle through the milk that would come out through your nose (because of the defect), kick your podgy legs dementedly on a sheet of newspaper, happy for hours doing that:-) follow me with your eyes while I walked around the house, be walked to sleep through long hours of the night, only to wake up merrily the moment we laid you on your cot. Nights of long motorbike rides just to make you fall asleep.

Your first word, first feat of rolling over, bumping your head and getting concussion (incidentally, on the day we had a train to catch on transfer to Suratgarh), first step, first day of school, first fancy dress competition..so many firsts that filled my life and made it complete.

I watched you grow, evolve and transform from a fat little maggot into my princess. You outgrew my lap, but never my heart.

Shalu- you walked into our lives as a precious gift fate gave us. You and I did not share that gossamer thin umbilical cord bond, yet developed something strangely stronger and finer as we both grew together. You taught me the true meaning of “motherhood”- and all it can encompass and hold. You entered my world, my home- and soon my heart. Today, as I watch you straddle the world so confidently and walk with your head held high- something blooms within my soul and spills over my life, filling it with fulfillment. I feel so proud when I see my two lame fledglings (Saahil & you) soar high in the sunny skies of their dreams and ambitions and teach ME so many things that were hitherto out of my realm. 

Chance made you both my daughters; love made you my friends.

Bless you both for the complete understanding, acceptance and unconditional love you give me. Also (in spite of my errant ways) the wholehearted pride you have in me..

Love you both so very very much:-) And a mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path. So here you have your very own personal bodyguard:-)

*As your brother, trembling with fear,  would vouch for*

Happy Daughter's Day to two of my bestest friends:-))

*I don't think there is such a thing as a Son's Day, so I will create one for you soon Saahil Tyagi:-) 

- Await next post*

Mom.

The Palace that wasn't

The palace that wasn't.

Nostalgia. It comes upon one in cascades of thoughts, feelings and memories. Quite like a cloudburst in fact! I was passing by Hanuman Chowk the other day. I must have passed that way a million times over the past few decades, and somehow the nostalgic cascade didn't hit me as it did that day. I am sure many of you would feel the same way too after you read this.

It must have been in the eighties, when we had first moved in to Meerut, bag and baggage and with a tiny daughter in tow. After a lifetime in the armed forces, the town felt slow and boring. In the everyday routines of settling down into new pastures and newer ventures, there seemed to be nothing interesting to do. And then my husband (who belongs to this town) introduced me to this quaint, friendly neighbourhood cinema hall called Palace Cinema! It was an ancient building with a hall of sorts, and a faded, stained yellowed small screen, the most pathetic sound system in place and a roof that seemed imminently about to fall on our heads- but I loved it from the moment I stepped into its arched gates. There was a small shop selling peanuts in paper packets and tea/coffee/soft drinks as one preferred. There was presumably a technician who started the spools in the projector room, but I wouldn't be surprised if the 14-15 year old boy who efficiently ran errands, showed you to your seats with a flickering torch, and got you refreshments, also doubled up as the projector boy after the lights went off!

The whole experience of watching Hollywood movies in Palace Cinema was like slipping back into time, a hundred years back- and in the darkness, I used to see a newer, shinier, posher Palace Cinema in my mind's eye, that justified its name and fame. Instead of small friendly mice scampering under the ricketty seats, and the swish of the worn and faded curtains on the doors, I used to imagine British officers and their ladies in evening dress, coming in to catch a movie in the evening. I could almost reach out and touch them.

Palace cinema was the only hall that showed English films in English. In fact, even today, there isn't a single hall with airs Hollywood films in original. We fell into an easy routine of an afternoon movie every Sunday, followed by a meal at Kwality Restuarant. As our daughter grew a bit, she too came along with us for our favourite pastime of the week. And loved the quaintness as much as we did. Then slowly, the meagre crowd dwindled and the hall began to look more and more dilapidated day by day. We still held on fast to our routine. I remember the last film we watched there. It was a film about Zeus and Hercules and was brilliant! As we walked in to buy the tickets, the boy at the counter asked us to either wait until a few more people came in, so running the show would be feasable, or try again the next day. Then he came up with a suggestion I haven't forgotten till today! He asked us to fetch some friends and he would run the show for us! And we did just that.

Then next week, it was locked and barred. And has been ever since. It has never been the same somehow for us. Watching a movie at a modern PVR with Dolby surround sound and posh seats and lighting- I still miss palace Cinema. The palace that used to be. And isn't any more.

Dr. Seema Tyagi

Happy Birthday Rajiv. This one's for you! Its been a fantastic 32 years:-)))

Dear God,

As I grew from strength to strength,

Among the swaying daffodils;

My shining eyes, my smiling lips,

Sent up a prayer of thankfulness.

I may not have prayed often,

I may not have prayed enough;

But whenever I prayed, I’d ask of you-

For just one thing, again and again.

“God give me a heart like my mother has,

So I too can love unconditionally;

Grant me the courage that is her forte,

Her  strength and wisdom too hopefully.

God, Give me the radiance of her smile,

Her touch that makes problems disappear magically.

The spring in her step, the youthfulness,

Her generous soul and loving words,

That soothes the lives she touches miraculously.

And Someday,

If I manage to become-

 Half the mom she has been to me-

I’ll know You were there that day,

And  heard my words, and listened to what I asked of You so hopefully!

Happy Mother's Day, Ma:-) In anticipation of 13th May 2012. And for every day of my life. 

Love you.

Vacuum blimps-

Vacuum blimps-

The real world. Such a deeply philosophical phrase. The real world obliterated itself a decade ago. I remember the real world. There was sense and sensibility back then. There were wild flowers, and hornets clinging to clothes as we walked through the brambles in the wilderness. There were children and there was their childhood. There were Family Picnics, splashing through rain puddles, Pakodas and steaming cups of hot tea in corner shops. There were small, cozy bookstores with kindly owners- who let us sit atop a tall 3-legged stool and let the magic of the words from the pages enter our souls. There were parents and best friends- sharing and caring, duties and obligations, happily fulfilled. There were letters and postcards, and hopefuls swinging-on-gates awaiting the friendly, busy postmen delivering them. There were chirping sparrows, woodpeckers drilling holes in trees, brilliant blue-breasted kingfishers, wild geese and the drone of the bumblebee as it watched zillions of dragonflies and butterflies buzzing around busily.

I remember lying curled up on a sofa, with a plate of hot finger chips (NOT French fries) by my side- reading a Georgette Heyer romance or a Perry Mason detective novel, and listening to the croaking frogs playing games in the pouring rain. There was acceptance and understanding, discipline and dignity. There were values and honour- and chivalry used to be a part of the reality that went around. And then there was Family- the magical unit of the civilized world, that was warmth, comfort, dependence, security and love- all rolled into one. There was the radio, and later the idiot-box, which brought the family together through quiet evenings. There was the family-outing- to the market, a friend/relative’s home, a film show. There was a dining table, where grandparents, parents and children all gathered- and talked about their day and its happenings.

And then came the Technology Invasion. First it was the cordless phones, and later the mobile revolution- which revolutionized the revolution of evolution. It broke the umbilical cord that bound families tightly together. One by one, the mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter, friend and foe- threw away all-of-the-above, and moved away into their own busy spaces. Then came more technology- taking the place of the rainbows, butterflies, sparrows- love, warmth, togetherness, belonging, sharing, and caring. And the human race began its race towards extinction. In its place, there were millions of busy, scurrying, hurrying assembly-line zombies- who recognized what technology showed them- neatly packaged empty spaces- babies that suddenly became young people, parents that suddenly became tormenters, teachers and schools that became the means-to-an-end, homes that became digital dens, and computers- that destroyed that last link to real communication.

Yes- I have seen it all. I admit- I love the small world that technology has shrunk into the palm of my hand. I love “knowing” strangers in the cyber world. I admire the ease with which the youngsters of the day flaunt their wares. The glamour, the colour, the brilliance and the shine is faultlessly perfect. But is any of it REAL? The diamond versus the artificial brilliance of the zircon.

But still- I miss the humans. I miss their values and traditions. I miss the cords of love that bound even strangers. I miss the lost childhood in today’s young people. I miss the maternal and paternal love and commitment. I miss the aunts and uncles, cousins and “best” friends who held so much meaning once. I miss Life- the real life. Not these empty, hollow vacuum blimps floating inside and outside all of us- that we call Life.

I miss the sounds of nature. I miss the softness and mellowness inside people. Suddenly the world has turned into tiny islands. Everyone is alone and lost inside their own. I suppose some of my generation finds it easy to slip into the shallow flow- but I don’t. I very definitely do not. And I flow along the shallow murky waves too- and hold on tightly to my belief in those faded, extinct, mythological creatures-  human beings  …..and their magic wand of love-  that may somehow bring the world back into existence once more.

Bas--aise hi....

Har sahil dariyon ke paar nahin hota,
Har mausam phoolon ka uphaar nahin hota.
Bujh jaatey hain diye aksar apni hi galtiyon se..
Har baar kasoor hawaaon ka nahin hota...

Dosh kisko dein inn imtihaanon ka aakhir?
Jab har jawab par, apne hi sawaalon ka ikhtiyaar nahin hota.

Invitation to connect on LinkedIn

From Seema Tyagi Owner at The Shivalik Public School Meerut Area, India I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - Seema Confirm that you know Seema You are receiving Invitation to Connect emails. Unsubscribe © 2012, LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct. Mountain View, CA 94043, USA

Awaaz dil se aayi hai--

Aawaaz dil se aayi hai, hawaaon main bikhar gayi hai phir,
Shor unn pannon ka hai jo jhonkon main machal jaatey hain.
Ik sawaal hai dil ki gehraaiyon main chupa,
Bas? Khushiyon aur tamanaaon ki itni hi umr thi aakhir?

Nazm chidti hai abhi bhi iss dil ke viraanon main,
Dabe-dabe se mere labz kahin kho jaatey hain..
Haath badhtey hain kuch anpayee tamannaaon ki taraf-
Chehre pe mere phir vahi rangat aa jaati hai umeedon ki.

Aakhir kya hai jo pakad main aata hi nahin..
Ye main hi hoon?- Ya koi parchaain hai meri?
Darr sa lagne laga hai ab waqt ki rusvaaiyon ka mujhe-
Apnon ka, ya unka jinhen dil ne apna maana tha kabhi,

Tujhse kuch aur hai jo maanga tha maine,ai zindagi,
Kuch aadha-adhoora sa , jo bas mujhe bhi mehsoos sa hai.
Kya umeed karoon main tujhse, tere numaayendon se bhala-
Jab aaina khud meri nazron se dhundla-dhundla sa nazar aata hai...

Rusva na hona iss raftaar se mujhse,
Abhi jazbaaton ki raakh main kuch jaan baaki hai.
Kuch geet hain, kuch taraaney hain dabey,
Poochti hoon main hawaaon se, kya ab bhi kuch madadgaar baaki hain?

Change?

Nothing that is can pause or stay;
The moon will wax, the moon will wane,
The mist and cloud will turn to rain,
The rain to mist and cloud again,
Tomorrow be today.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Question is- how does one make yesterday be today?? How does one find the physiological, psychological, anatomical and dillogical weapons to either MAKE that happen..or then at least adjust to change?

Sigh! Why is a simple 6-letter word so difficult??




They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.  ~Confucius


Thank you, Confusius. Did they so name you because you were confused??


Sigh!

When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed ..by ANON :-)

Someone very precious to me wrote this...I had to put it here..

She said to him… by the sea shore…
I will hold your hand… Forever and more..
The rabbits sang and the gondolier rowed
When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed.

They walked together… hand in hand…
Just then… she held him and…
The wolves sang and the crickets crowed…
When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed.

She was scared that night... when the storm arose..
Lightning Bolts and the thunder roared..
He held her close… the night it snowed
When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed.

They lay all night… counting stars..
Eating jellybeans… in colored jars..
But the moon shined and the stars glowed..
When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed.

In her last breath… he heard her whine…
I’ll miss you love and I’ll be just fine…
Not a dog barked but the Lions roared...
When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed.

I love the words..and the words hidden in the shadows of the words............