Happy Mother's Day--- in anticipation!

Through the Looking Glass: Mothers and Children

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop. - Lewis Carroll.


That’s what I am going to do.

 The second Sunday of May is celebrated as Mother’s Day, thus paying tribute to the “co-creators of humanity”. While sending joyful tidings to our respective mothers on this day, let us also attempt a tribute to the prospective mothers, who are having to sacrifice their divine Right to Motherhood (not incorporated in the Constitutional Rights) at the altar of their choice to successful careers. Almost half of the five and a half billion people in the world are women, who are the primary breadwinners in subsistence economies like ours, and contribute to the economy of the nation as much as their male counterparts. They have to fight the barriers put up every step of their way by family, society, legal restrictions, dictates of religion as interpreted by the “holy” heads, and the prevailing patriarchal system. The Gender Bias keeps population growth rates high, in spite of all efforts by governments to attempt stemming of the population explosion, because gender bias denies women routes to economic security other than a “good” marriage and childbearing. Those who defeat the stereotyping are stymied by the family pressures to live up to the expectations of saintly dutiful womanhood, and forego their chosen careers for falling into the age-old pattern drawn out for them. Nobody remembers that investing in women is the most direct method of boosting economies of the family and thus the country.




Gender bias has its roots in the “pink for a girl” and “blue for a boy” as an infant enters the world. It is cemented by the rules laid in families of “how to behave like a girl” and further enforced by the skewed education system in our country. Mrs. Alpana Baijal, ex-Principal of MPGS, MPS and KL International, now owner of her own school “Sunningdales”, says –“Many young girls with starry visions in their eyes have passed through my hands. And have seen them bow down to their “fate” over the years, sacrificing their dreams at the altar of ‘duty’. Our archaic labour laws concerning maternity benefits need to be reviewed and revised, so that they make the process of child-bearing more friendly, at the same time guaranteeing job securities to the young mother-to-be.”




The textbooks substantiate the teachings of society in their short-sighted vision. Teachers are mostly depicted as women wearing sarees with buns atop their heads, while police personnel, soldiers, pilots and astronauts are always men. Games played in school, clothes worn, careers selected, subjects chosen; all are rooted within the confines of gender bias. The first learner books in the mother tongue have lines like “Ram kaam par ja. Radha khaana paka. Roti la.”




Even the eunuchs have had a better deal than women in the professional field as depicted in history. Since they were not able to have children, they worked with emperors, costume designers, cooks accountants, treasurers, bookkeepers, real estate advisors, drivers, guards, speculators and interpreters.




Ever considered the plight of the contemporary woman? The travails she has to face?




The mega companies in the public and private corporate sectors employ the skillful, articulate ladies with delight. And put them through a rigorous working schedule, no doubt providing adequate compensations and remunerations. But time constraints, fast-paced corporate dictates and growth opportunities strip them of their right to motherhood.




Dr. Poonam Devdutt, an eminent psychologist of Meerut says, “Girls do much better than boys in academics but the fallout rate from high-profile professional fields is very high. More girls opt for higher education, and fewer continue remaining in the job-market. The increased pressures on them make them succumb and fall back into the choice between rearing a family or retaining their occupations. The flexi-time offered by call centres for example, lures more women into the field. This could be incorporated into other companies as well.”




Women should be given the opportunities to be able to fend for themselves, learn the requisite skills to do so, make the choice of Work Vs Family themselves, be provided with a strong support system from both family and employers to stand by their choices, as they contribute and boost the economy of the country. It is imperative for every member of society, both sides of the fence, to recognize the contribution of women in the corporate sector or otherwise, and provide them the wherewithal and the recognition of being “assets” to community. The positive lessons imbibed from family, society, or governments will truly emancipate the 21st century woman, and allow her to fulfill both her rights- to have a career and a child. Aanchal, a 27-year old media professional working with a leading TV Channel, and a graduate of Sophia Girl’s School, married for 3 years, says- “I have dreamt of having two children since I grew up. I want to translate the love and companionship my parents, brother, sister and I share and grew up with, in my own family. I love my work too and have worked really hard at to reach where I am. I don’t know how or when I will be able to realize both my dreams. The systems in force do not provide adequate support to women like me and many of my friends and colleagues, to be able to plan a family.




Neha, 28, also a product of Sophia Girl’s School realized her dream of becoming a software engineer, and is currently employed at Chicago with Infosys. According to her, “I would love to settle down, have a family, maybe one child, but where is the time? The choice is clear. Either I give up the work I love and am good at, and get married and raise a family (which my parents insist on once in a while), or work hard and climb the ladder to the citadel of my ambitions, always realizing the risk I face of having to forfeit the former”.




Women are not incapable. They are just giving up the choice to participate. The world has moved forward. Awareness of the problems in the path of working women needs to translate into social change, egged on by concentrated efforts by the governments. Children of emancipated women would also be an asset to the society of tomorrow. It is time to recognize that. It is time for gender bias to cross the aisle and face the challenges of the 21st century. And, it is time to remove the stereotypes, prejudices and discrimination from our homes and work-places. Time to prepare a perfect model plan to liberate the Woman of Today, to encompass all of her needs, desires and rights. Especially, the Right to Creation.





“Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”


Wouldn’t you like to believe just this one?





Happy Mother’s Day! In anticipation.