Bas--aise hi....

Har sahil dariyon ke paar nahin hota,
Har mausam phoolon ka uphaar nahin hota.
Bujh jaatey hain diye aksar apni hi galtiyon se..
Har baar kasoor hawaaon ka nahin hota...

Dosh kisko dein inn imtihaanon ka aakhir?
Jab har jawab par, apne hi sawaalon ka ikhtiyaar nahin hota.

Invitation to connect on LinkedIn

From Seema Tyagi Owner at The Shivalik Public School Meerut Area, India I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - Seema Confirm that you know Seema You are receiving Invitation to Connect emails. Unsubscribe © 2012, LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct. Mountain View, CA 94043, USA

Awaaz dil se aayi hai--

Aawaaz dil se aayi hai, hawaaon main bikhar gayi hai phir,
Shor unn pannon ka hai jo jhonkon main machal jaatey hain.
Ik sawaal hai dil ki gehraaiyon main chupa,
Bas? Khushiyon aur tamanaaon ki itni hi umr thi aakhir?

Nazm chidti hai abhi bhi iss dil ke viraanon main,
Dabe-dabe se mere labz kahin kho jaatey hain..
Haath badhtey hain kuch anpayee tamannaaon ki taraf-
Chehre pe mere phir vahi rangat aa jaati hai umeedon ki.

Aakhir kya hai jo pakad main aata hi nahin..
Ye main hi hoon?- Ya koi parchaain hai meri?
Darr sa lagne laga hai ab waqt ki rusvaaiyon ka mujhe-
Apnon ka, ya unka jinhen dil ne apna maana tha kabhi,

Tujhse kuch aur hai jo maanga tha maine,ai zindagi,
Kuch aadha-adhoora sa , jo bas mujhe bhi mehsoos sa hai.
Kya umeed karoon main tujhse, tere numaayendon se bhala-
Jab aaina khud meri nazron se dhundla-dhundla sa nazar aata hai...

Rusva na hona iss raftaar se mujhse,
Abhi jazbaaton ki raakh main kuch jaan baaki hai.
Kuch geet hain, kuch taraaney hain dabey,
Poochti hoon main hawaaon se, kya ab bhi kuch madadgaar baaki hain?

Change?

Nothing that is can pause or stay;
The moon will wax, the moon will wane,
The mist and cloud will turn to rain,
The rain to mist and cloud again,
Tomorrow be today.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Question is- how does one make yesterday be today?? How does one find the physiological, psychological, anatomical and dillogical weapons to either MAKE that happen..or then at least adjust to change?

Sigh! Why is a simple 6-letter word so difficult??




They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.  ~Confucius


Thank you, Confusius. Did they so name you because you were confused??


Sigh!

When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed ..by ANON :-)

Someone very precious to me wrote this...I had to put it here..

She said to him… by the sea shore…
I will hold your hand… Forever and more..
The rabbits sang and the gondolier rowed
When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed.

They walked together… hand in hand…
Just then… she held him and…
The wolves sang and the crickets crowed…
When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed.

She was scared that night... when the storm arose..
Lightning Bolts and the thunder roared..
He held her close… the night it snowed
When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed.

They lay all night… counting stars..
Eating jellybeans… in colored jars..
But the moon shined and the stars glowed..
When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed.

In her last breath… he heard her whine…
I’ll miss you love and I’ll be just fine…
Not a dog barked but the Lions roared...
When the seasons, of the mellow blow’ed.

I love the words..and the words hidden in the shadows of the words............

Ye hai Zindagi

The bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you refuse to take the turn.
I have to keep telling myself that. Again and again and again. Also- Life comes round a full circle. And as you sow, so shall you reap. What life gives you is what you have put into it. 


My day for quotations. And introspection. Its strange really. Half a century and more of my life- thinking, feeling, believing that I am the cat's whiskers. The pivotal figure in everybody's lives. And then suddenly, life takes a U-turn. And WHAM! Realization dawns! No I am not really!


I sometimes wonder what made me so confident about my omnipresence and omnipotency? My happy childhood? My comfortable and secure marriage? The wonderfully supporting and unconditionally loving family I have? My children? The ease with which people always liked me? My ability to make friends? Or all of the above?


Now- when I look at the world around me- I see that everybody has taken their own U-turns, chosen their own meandering paths, followed their own means to the end of their rainbows. And all of these paths have moved away from me! And I am left hanging on to my pedestal.


I see before me, two paths. One-which leads downhill. The other-to a distant bend on the road ahead. I know its time for me to choose the latter. And take that turn. I will not let the road end. 


 More quotations? - No point crying over spilt milk. One should always look before leaping. 


Jaan hai to jahaan hai:-)))


And most importantly- Live Life Kingsize!


Here's to always finding a loving hand when I fall. Or when I reach out.

The Kodak Moments

The years have sped by. I always knew they would, and hence had this habit of closing my eyes for a few seconds and consciously holding all poignant moments inside my memory-cells. And I am so glad I did that.
Today, as the world has moved to different dimensions, and all my running after it and trying to keep up with the race has exhausted me.. it is those precious memories that keep me from going bonkers!

Cut to the 1960's. Papa lying under a pear tree, snoozing in the warm sunshine on a cold winter's day, in the huge orchard my naana-naani had in Dehradun. Me- a little girl in a polka-dotted frock, prancing around chasing butterflies, happy in the warmth of her father's love, and the comfortable clinking of pots and pans in the far distance of the house, where my mom was cooking up a picnic feast for the two of us.

The 1970's. Here I am, in a shikara on the Dal lake in Srinagar- the moonlight reflecting the mountains in the calm waters, the fragrance of the flowers wafting songs inside my heart, as I manage to hoodwink my strict dad and have along with us, a young handsome officer (you- err..*identity witheld*) out for a moonlit boating jaunt..I close my eyes to still the excited hammering of my heart..and the moment is frozen yet again!

Here I am again- same time, same place- trudging up the mighty Zabarwan mountain, with the best friend I ever had (you, Sumedha Sahni) , and her brothers..my first attempt at being an intrepid mountaineer. The scent from the wild roses, my feet hooked into a rocky cranny to stop sliding off..the shared fag and unending conversation..yes- I can almost relive the moment even now!

21 December 1982. Screaming my guts out, torn apart with the searing, ripping, seething pain, almost breaking Rajiv's hand, holding on so hard, and the unexplainable feeling of hearing the thin cry of my first-born rent the air.. the tears flowing from her just-born father's eyes..lying on my side in a hospital bed and reaching for the toffees he had put under my pillow with so much love and consideration. The taste and sweetness lingers..and will stay with me forever.

Your first movie, Aanchal. 15 days old? Mom and I, and a huge baby-basket--the movie hall near Lohegaon, Pune..where your papa dropped us. Disco dancer! Sigh! Your fascination for Bappi da has its roots in this day:-)

A day in 1983. A little cherubic baby-girl, our first-born (You, Aanchal) left with the maid at our makeshift Air Force home in Pune, out to book out baggage with the railways all set for our first posting to Suratgarh in Rajasthan. Sitting on the pillion of our Yezdi bike all the way home for the last time in the town that gave me so  much- holding on tight to my friend, partner and husband (you, Rajiv), feeling the familiar breeze blowing through my hair for the last time (The truck to take away the bike was waiting at home)- I closed my eyes to hold the moment and freeze it in eternity- and here it is again! Whenever I close my eyes and reach for it.

Diwali Mela at Defence Colony. 1991? - Feeling the tiny warm hand in mine (your's, Saahil)- comfort asked, comfort given- with the inquisitive little face attempting to look over the knees of the crowds, flickering lights of excitement dancing in his eyes- the gambling stall- what was it? "Seven, Over-Seven or Under-Seven" played with two dice. Your first exposure to your mother's gambling soul- I can see the confusion in your eyes- as I taught you to place your whole wealth (Rs 10) on one of the slots.. and lose it at the casting of the dice in one fell swoop:-) I smile each time the memory flashes before my closed eyes:-) its a wonder how you held on to your trust in me!

The mandap where I suddenly saw my little girl become a bride, a wife, a woman.

The soft click of the lock on the grill door, as I took off for the midnight jaunt with my madcap son to the Nauchandi mela..To buy CHOORAN! Cos he felt like having some:-)

The songs playing on the car deck,. the wind in my eyes, the smoke spiralling in tune to my tapping feet, as Brat and I shared a fag driving through the dark nights... sharing dreams, sharing souls.

There are so many Kodak Moments stored inside my head. I shut out the painful and hurting ones. And let the happy ones stay afloat.

Today- as my eyes are dimming faster than my vision, my hair greying faster than my soul, my body aging faster than my mind- and Life flowing in directions I had never imagined- I reach for all the Kodak Moments I hold within me, hold on to all that is ME, and lapse into my own Wonderland. And am happy again:-)

Thank you for all my precious memories Vinnie Dev (mom), Rajiv Tyagi (husband and friend), Aanchal and Saahil.

Thank you Shalu- for enriching our world. Thank you all my friends- who will always live within me.

Love you all.

Life. And We-The People.

I haven't blogged in months. Strangely, what was once an outlet for churned up emotions, thoughts, aspirations, desires and dreams..now seems an empty canvas. Nothing seems to work me up into a fireball lately. And hence all words remain locked up inside the neurons in my head. 


Maybe its the doing-too-much-at-one-time syndrome. Maybe the aftermath of the syndrome. Whatever it is, I do not like it! If I am me, then why do I become a stranger just like that? 


Don't you all feel this way at times? Wondering why the pace of life ebbs and flows with total randomness and total disregard for your wants? Even the spirit of Christmas, which has always managed to provide that boot-in-the-rear momentum to life..seems to have packed its bags and retired:-( 


So what do you think life is? A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while? Then I hereby order all of you cells to reformulate your patterns and become ME, for Chrissakes!

Reaching out-

Dear Blog,

I haven't written to you since a long, long time, and I know you must be feeling just as lonely as I am. It was easier somehow to share my soul with you when you were a Diary..this new cyber avatar is a trifle difficult to reach when I stretch my arms.
So many things I need to share with you. Sadness, excitement, hopes, dreams, desires, confusion, $@#&#, irritations, aspirations.. where are you when I need you most??? When the world goes out of focus, when the birds stop chirping, when the rainbows fade? Why do I find it easier to turn to my damp pillow at times like these? Wake up, Blog! Get your act together! You and I are a team, right? So BE there for me when I need you most. Open your eyes when you see me reaching out for you. Or I may just destroy you.

Yours-for-now,

The Creator

Happy Birthday to Me:-)

Its my birthday again! Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months..seem to be blessed by the wings of time! Life speeds by so fast that it makes me dizzy sometimes! And no..its not spondylitis! I look back over the enchanting years-and the power-point presentation of memories of my childhood and youth flash in front of my eyes.  The warmth of the sunshine of mom and papa's love, the holidays on hill-stations year after year, the many new schools in diverse towns, as papa was posted from town to town in the course of his long distinguished career as an officer (and gentleman) of the Indian Armed Forces, the unconditional love and 'I-will-always-have-faith-in-you-no-matter-what' that I learnt from my mom (you, Vinnie Dev)...and incorporated in your lives, my precious children.. all seems to be there all around me in my every Today somehow. I can hear papa's voice calling out to me to look at a rainbow in the sky, a caterpillar in the throes of emerging as a butterfly, a colourful bird, a firefly in the dark nights..I seem to look up and see him looking up at the bright sun to sneeze..that was one of the quaintest of his traits! The others were his complete love for his first precious grandchild (you, Aanchal), and calling 'nadi' -'dariya and 'ped'- 'drakht'!!
The world lost my dad on 22nd December 1987, but none of us ever did. He lives in our hearts every moment, with his sunny smile and warm arms..which kept my childhood so secure. You, Saahil, he held just a couple of times in his arms when you were born, and then again when you were a couple of months old. That is one of my few regrets and complaints to life..that you did not know him.

Mom-- what do I say to describe you??? My lovely, loving, completely crazy, incredibly vibrant mother:-) Love you with all my heart, Ma. All I am today, all I have..is all thanks to you.

The kaleidoscope of my memories surround me with their ever-changing patters..always colourful, always enchanting. You, Rajiv- my friend, confidante, partner in every sense of the word, best pal, husband- you came into my life, have transformed me into a realm all my own, where I made friends with myself and with the whole world. You showed me again what the meaning of 'unconditional love' is.. and (in facebook language) what being "in an open relationship" means:-) (This, by the way, intrigues very many people)
You enriched my world, with so many many happy times..tough times.. and we grew up together, learning to always remain best friends!

Memories, dreams, visions, hopes, desires, magic- all churned up my two devils- which means you both - Aanchal and Saahil:-) And life changed tracks once more.. this time towards the happiest years of my life. Watching you both grow from dribbling babies, to lisping toddlers- then intense (and intensely naughty) youngsters..crazy teenagers (in your case, sonny boy-- I am forced to add "And HOW!!!!" ).. then confident, intelligent, considerate, responsible, loving adults..its been a pleasurable journey:-) You, Shalu..you just crept into our lives, waltzed into our hearts (first as an ugly duckling, that magically metamorphosed into a graceful swam) and catapulted the cauldron of our rishtas into a new dimension! Thank you, baby- for being part of us.

Gourav Sharma- kehne ko, my son-in-law..in reality- as dear to me as the children of my womb. Thank you, beta.. for filling up that still vacant corner of my life- with the warmest, supportive, loving, 'sensible' son that I needed to complete the rosy picture!! (Sorry- Terrible Twins-- not found place yet for your partners)

Today-as I stand at a higher citadel and look around me-- I am so gratified to find myself surrounded by all of you, your love, so many friends, well-wishers, enemies? (Naah!) -- whom I am everlastingly grateful to, for joining my bandwagon and making my journey so much more fun! (This includes my college friends - Pushpa Bhandari Bisht, Sumedha Sahni, Husnara Khan, Mangala Konsam, Dinesh, Sukhbir, etc etc etc, my FB friends -- all of you! my family, cousins, school kids..EVERYONE- who is there in my days and nights)

Yes- I have lived these years on my own terms- every step of the way. Thank you all - Mom, Rajiv, Aanchal, Saahil, Shalu- for encouraging me to do so. Thank you too, my best friend of these 15 years- Arun Edwards-Thank you all- For always being there for me, sharing my every dream, happiness, passion and hurt, standing firmly by our friendship,  walking shoulder-to-shoulder with me, shouldering me from trouble and strife, as noone else could!

Somehow, all of these memories seem to be just as bright and shiny as they were when they were formed! And that makes me believe in Magic. The magic of Love.

Today- I wish to commemorate a few people who contributed greatly (without knowing it!) to providing the guidelines to my journey.
Thank you Ogden Nash : You told me : "You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely".
Thank you Lucille Ball : I believed you when you said : "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age:-)"
Thank you George Bernard Shaw. You sure had a point when you commented "Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children!"
....May I live to be a hundred years...With one extra year to repent:-)

CHEERS !